Um. Awkward.

So, I am in South Africa for a couple of days and am staying at this trendy hotel. The guy who showed me my room was pointing out things (free M&Ms. Dangerous). And then.
*deep breath*
He opens a drawer and says, 'here are the DVDs. There is porn in there as well. It's free!'

I think I died a bit. I stared at him and was like, 'sooooo....the M&Ms are free too, right?'

Really!?!

So for kindergarten graduation (I know right, it's kindergarten for the love) they sing a song. So, per usual, decisions were made about the song and I was not in the least bit consulted. What was chosen- that EXTREMELY annoying Plain White T's song 1,2,3,4. I do not like this song. It kind of makes me want to put in ear plugs. So I had to listen to it sung at least 6 times in my classroom today. At least. I will continue to hear it over and over and over again for the next three weeks. I may need to be kept away from the sharp objects in my classroom for fear I will try to offer mercy to my ears.

So after sing along time we went outside for playground time and it starts to drizzle a bit. So, we start to gather the kids to go inside and in the process it starts pouring down rain. Pouring. We are all soaking wet. I am wearing a white skirt. White. Awesome. This is my life people.

And....

I'm OUT!

job = quit.

Not cool.

You know what = not cool?

I only got to see 10 minutes of the Barca/Man U game last night.

Although, I heard that I didn't miss much. Ferguson? Next time, ask the team to actually show up.

If We Took A Holiday...

YAY for the holiday weekend! Thank goodness I got away from D.C. and the hell of tourists. (Although all of the bikers were in town for freedom ride and I always think that is kinda cool) Thank goodness Sheila's principal raffled off her condo in Wintergreen. Thank goodness Sheila won and likes me enough to take me along! The fabulous car ride there included the musical styling of such genius as Wilson Philips and Color Me Badd. Love it. We did some hiking in Crabtree Falls (see above) with an interesting collection of families and rednecks. We ate lots of yummy food. Lots. The trail mix was my BFF. I got my Peds cured. We did some wine tasting. Which was awesome because it was followed by us getting some take out Italian and going back to the condo to eat, finish off a bottle and a half of wine, and celebrate Krisitin's birthday with a cake. All while Krisitin looked up our astrological signs on her blackberry to discover if they matched our personalities (can I add how much funnier this is on 3 glasses of wine. I also think Astrology is total crap). The views were beautiful and the company fantastic. What else could I ask for?

Today I had to return to the real world. Back to work (of which I only have 3 weeks left) where the eggs we were incubating hatched and I had 7 chicks cheeping ALL DAY LONG in my classroom. We named four of them-well they named four of them- Snoopy, Peep Peep, Eggy Wrestler, and Sleepy Head. Where they come up with this stuff I have no idea.

Bank Holiday = Awesome Idea.

I don't actually know what a bank holiday is/does/means. Except that it gives us a 3 day weekend and for that I am grateful.

The weather cooperated this weekend, a bit too much. I got a mini sunburn. in ENGLAND. Wearing 55 SPF. On Saturday, we went to a city farm, which is really about a 35 min walk from our house, in the middle of London. It has pigs and various wildlife and a sustainable garden. It's awesome. I am surprised at how many city farms still remain in London, its a really nice hidden gem. After that, it was a dinner at the S&M Cafe. NOT what it sounds like. It's sausage and mash. And it was good.

On Sunday, we hauled our butts out of bed and walked (I can't actually call it a hike) between Amberley http://www.aboutbritain.com/towns/amberley.asp and Arundel http://www.arundel.org.uk/ . It was probably about 10 miles with perhaps a pub stop in the middle for a refreshing cider. I wish I had taken photos but I was too busy trying not to fall on my ass.

I spent monday on my deck and at friend's house eating summer dinner as it started to rain.

This is the first weekend in a long time, that I actually felt like I had a break from work/life. Dreamy.

Rejoice Part 2

I give this equation to you all:

7 working days + 29 working days = sanity.

holla.

Enough Said.

One month as of today people.

One month.

Rejoice along.

That is all.

And this one time...

Yesterday, I had to explain to my flatmate that band camp actually exists. And that live people actually go there. And then we had to talk about band festivals and back of the bus hook-ups. It seems that the Finnish are immune to such revelry. Shame really.

In addition, today, we told our landlords that we are moving out. Step one, complete! My flattie got a job, she starts the Monday after I give notice.

I also managed not to tell my manager that I QUIT. QUITQUITQUITQUIT. even though it burns with the fire of a thousand suns every time she talks about my career progression (which, incidentally, stalled when she became my manager).

Aaaannnnddd, I did not dump coffee on myself today.

All in all, a successful first half to my day. Sadly, since it's Monday, I will await the unsuccessful second half of the day that I am sure is coming.

My Mamma Says...

My mother, oh my mother. I love her dearly but sometimes she is unaware of what she says. I mean she is seriously a stereotypical Jewish mother (back me up on this Becks), although she is not Jewish. She's got the guilt thing down, she's got the constant nagging about my single status down, she's got the constant picking at everything I do, wear, say, down. Today was no different. We went out to lunch like we always do and started talking about shopping. I was complaining that I needed to go shopping and buy some new clothes because all of mine have gotten to big. Normal mother would insert congrats on weight lost. My mother replies, "maybe you should hold off, you might gain the weight back." Awesome. My mother just told me I am probably going to get fat so I shouldn't go shopping. Then over lunch we see this cute baby go by and I comment on how cute it is and how much I love kids. Normal mother would insert some general agreement at cuteness of said baby. My mother replies, "You know you can still have children. I think you should look into having your eggs harvested and frozen. There are many options for girls your age these days who really want to be moms." WTF? First of all, "girls my age?" I am 29 not 45. Second, my mother just informed me (without directly saying it) that she is starting to think I am never going to get married so I should seek other options.

After lunch I went grocery shopping where I promptly picked up the makings for meatloaf and an US Weekly. Comfort food and a trashy magazine. Is it wrong that the wacko stories of stars make me feel like my life is normal?

BAM! Lebanese Style...

So my home girl Meghan surprised me with the most awesome birthday gift last night- a cooking class at Lebanese Taverna! Um, this was the hotness. We sat down with the most random of cooking class participants- including two 60+ year old women, a family, and two couples. All of whom dealt with my need to constantly crack jokes quite well :) May I also add that they continually serve you wine while you are cooking? awesome. With the help of our chef/teacher, Jihad (whose name clearly made some of the other participants uncomfortable- seriously people?) and his super sweet assistant (who kind of reminded me of the girl from my big fat greek wedding before her makeover) we learned how to core zucchini, stuff some veggies, pickle some veggies (not a fan, Meghan however was in love) and make the most fantastic dessert, molten chocolate "Turkish coffee" cake. Come to mama. People you have no idea, I wanted to swim in this cake. Take it home with me. Marry it. Okay maybe that's a bit much, but it was love. After we finished cooking the food was all brought upstairs for us to enjoy the fruits of our labor. Lebanese food is so yum and I had a major food baby afterward. I got home pretty late and woke up pretty early today, so I was exhausted. The kind of exhausted where you feel a little like you're drunk. not a good prize. Nothing that a piece of baklava that I had purchased the night before couldn't solve. (you gotta love that I am such a fat kid).

If you can do it, do it. I highly recommend. If nothing else you get to eat the cake.

Best. Day. Ever.

I love that I am such a fat kid that this is an awesome day:

1. Because I had a dream last night that all of my friends and I were guests on the Jerry Springer Show. And it RULED. The second part of my dream was my sister being eaten by a shark. But in my dream, she deserved it, so I guess that's ok.

2. I started my day with a bacon sandwich. Best. Jew. Ever.

3. I don't have to go to the office today. I have been sitting on a couch, working, drinking coffee and people watching. It's almost like a paid vacation. Almost.

Considerations.

I am reconsidering a few things in my life this morning:

1. Walking out of my job right now, instead of waiting a few more weeks. Because, really work?? You are so not right. I had work nightmares last night, I haven't slept through the night all week. And yet, the nightmares were quite liberating.

2. Moving back to D.C.-do I really want to roll up in DC in the summer? That's some serious shock. And also, if they have canceled screen on the green, then what am I supposed to do all summer??!

3. Coffee is like cowbell. Need more.

Edited: I hate my job so much, I am considering meditation to keep me from losing my sh*t at work. And I really hate centering myself and being quiet.

D.C., What A Charmer You Can Be

Today D.C. found itself back in my good graces. I hate, no LOATH, want to biotch slap, the metro. I do not know if there is a place more full of general rudeness, grossness, all around yucky. Nope, just don't like it. Today however, it redeemed itself, slightly. I'm reading my book this morning when the woman next to me taps me on the shoulder to ask me my thoughts about it (apparently she has just read the book). This resulted in an early morning metro book club like discussion. By far the most mentally stimulating metro ride I've had in a while. A nice person on the metro? This put a little extra spring in my step (helped along by The Cure rockin' my ipod) as I stepped out into the streets of D.C. Today happens to be one of those gloriously beautiful days- a perfect temp., flowers looking beautiful, not a sign of rain (finally) in the sky, and I got to leave work early today (with no class to go to!). Walking to and from work, I kind of loved the city again. It's always nice to take a second look at something you stop appreciating because of daily over exposure and realize it's kind of great.

Then I went to get back on the metro, my smart trip malfunctioned and I got chastised by a disgruntled metro worker (for no reason at all, btw), and missed my train. Metro, you are back on my bad list.

D.C., you and I however, can be friends.

And again.

I have dumped a cup of hot liquid on my bed. This time it was coffee and it was baaaaddd.

Tea, for those who are interested, is much easier to clean up.

Coffee. IS. NOT.

Damn you Sundays in bed with the paper. I am starting to reconsider your place in my life and frankly, that makes me sad.

Love It Like A Fat Kid Loves Cake

I have to admit that year 29 came in better than I thought it would. 29, so close to 30. How is it possible that I am almost 30?! Now that my freak out is over... It was a pretty great birthday. My students found it hilarious to guess my age- guesses which include 32, 36, 48, 60, 100, 104, what the hell people? The 32 stings, too close for comfort. There was however a white chocolate strawberry birthday cake involved...

I got home to find beautiful flowers from some of my friends- totally made my day. Then off to dinner with some of my home girls. Cafe Luna, your food is delish, but your service is the suck. Then on to the movies. So strange how 5 years ago it was hitting the bars on birthday night, at 29 hitting the movie theater is where it's at.

The evening ended with all of us sitting on Sheila's floor eating funfetti cake while she and I shared stories about our classes. Mostly stories about them peeing their pants. You know, the type of stories that are appropriate among teaching and geriatric crowds.

Then I woke up this morning and had left over birthday cake. 29, so far so good. Bring it on...

I don't think so.

I just got chastised by a man who used the phrase "revert back".

I don't think so.

What are you my mother?

So one of my students has some behavior problems. Well, more than one of my students has a behavior problem, but this story is about one specific one. Anyhoo, as part of her behavior modification plan she gets to work toward a goal everyday and if she reaches the goal (i.e. has a good day) she gets a reward. Well yesterday her goal was to have lunch with me. So she had a good day yesterday and a good morning today so we had lunch. We sit down to eat and she turns to me and says, "So, have you married anybody yet?" Um #1 when did we become so buddy buddy and #2 what are you 25? I tell her no and she says, "Well have you at least found somebody to marry?" Well no. I kid you not, she replies, "that's weird." I suggested that this was very grown up talk for lunch and that maybe we should talk about something else. She says, "okay, if you want."

Nothing like having a 5 year old criticize your dating life.

Yuck.

I am so tired, I feel drunk.

Not so good in the office.

Work funny.

So, at work, they have set up a temporary training room with a bunch of computers. And the room doesn't have any locks so they have jammed a lectern under one of the doors. And the sliding glass doors on the other side are secured with A BIKE LOCK. That's it. Thousands of dollars of software macgyvered (mcgrubbered?) with a bike lock and a lectern.

Also, airlines funny. Please see below. I hope you can see below.

Ummmm...

I may or may not have packed drunk last night.

Choose your own adventure.