Happy Birthday Failure

Dear Metro. Happy 35th Birthday. I have to say, from early days as a mini commuter rail to these recent years of being....a larger commuter rail that is generally unhelpful and sometimes kills people. You have truly grown. I have to wonder that if I am in as bad shape as metro is at 35, someone would put me in a home...or just out of my misery. I am going to suggest that now that Metro has passed its quarter-life crisis and has moved forward as an adult, that it consider getting. its. shit. together. Happy Birthday Metro. Grow up.

Channeling Tom Selleck

So the whole grade was on a field trip this week and one of the other teachers overheard a conversation between one of my students and one of her students. See, one of my students already appears to have a mustache. He has very dark hair, which also makes his facial hair darker. The conversation went like this...

Student 1: Dude, you totally have a mustache!

Student 2: Yep, you'll get one someday, when you're older.

My colleague said what was the most hysterical part was that he said it in such a cool way. Like he was the cool older kid giving the younger kid advice. The other boy thought he was the coolest kid ever. The girls in 2nd grade are all crazy in love with him. I guess a mustache still has that air of cool, even in second grade. I guess ladies do still fall for older boys-or at least older looking ones. Maybe we learn many of life's lessons in 2nd grade...

Fin.

Dear Work Dad, I SWEAR.
In one ear, out the other.
Shut up, listen, learn.

Poetry Week

There once was a girl named Roozer,
Coffee she wanted, before she works like a Doozer.
She went to a new shop,
To try the new slop,
And ended up spilling like a loser.

(just pretend it works).

Your Government Dollars At Work

Do you know why I had to work late yesterday? This is why:

You may now insert any GOP, Congress = 3-ring circus, elephant as GOP with a painted woman on top jokes here. I'll wait.

It was an awesome day for the elephant parade. For those who are unaware, once a year, when the circus comes to town, they have to get the animals from the train depot to the Verizon Center. And they do this by walking them through the streets like a mini parade. And it's awesome. And heartbreaking at the same time. The elephants look so sad. And they are dressed up and it's weird. I don't go to the circus. I think they are cruel. But I wanted to have a bit of hope that maybe the animals felt happy walking down the city streets, even for 30 minutes, thinking they were strutting it on a nice spring day. On another note, doesn't it look like a couple of these people are fleeing??! Like there is going to be a stampede??
In other news, Metro would like to let every know that they are going to focus on a smaller number of important issues they think are important to the public. Like escalators. I would put to them that most people would be happy to settle for the trains running without crashing into each other. Maybe that's just me.

Morning Haiku

Dear Metro, my friend
Had I known, I would have walked.
Thirty Minutes. Two Stops. Sigh.

Listening Comprehension

Yesterday, I met some more of my neighbors while leaving for work. They introduced themselves by motioning to which church they went to on the street (there are 3). It reminded me of why I bought my house where I did. In my old neighborhood, people would NEVER come up and introduce themselves. This is maybe the 10th time it's happened to me in 3 months.

In addition to telling me about their grandkids and dog, this couple told me of the fond memories they had of my house. They told me they used to buy candy at my house. I admit. That gave me pause. I had heard from other neighbors, that my house used to be 2 apartments, one of which used to sell certain things. You know. Stuff.

And so, when this older couple said they used to buy candy at my house, I was stunned. Did they just admit that to me? Weird. And then they continued, that when they would come home from elementary school, their parents would let them run over with their pocket change. And that is when I kicked myself. My house, before it was mine, before it was a drug den, was the corner store. In the 50s. And then it all made sense. Penny CANDY. OHHHHHHH. Yeah. That I get. And I fail.

Not funny. Still in the blog.

Do you know what is not funny? Having your basement flood twice in one weekend when it's not even raining. To top off an already looonnnnngggg week, I returned home Friday night and realized that while my heat was on, the radiators weren't hot. Curious. I walked into the basement to check the furnace to make sure the pilot light was not out. It was out. Because it was under a foot and a half of water. I felt so defeated.

No heat. No hot water. Great. I called the man who sold me my house (because seriously, the sump pump should last more than 3 months). He was out of town and told me to get a bucket and go buy another sump pump at home depot. So there I was, Saturday morning, unshowered, in my PJs, at the home depot just staring at the sump pumps. I picked one. The plumber came by on Saturday and said 'I am sure the floater is just blocked'. I had to resist the urge to cut and explained that I checked that before and I had to cut off the power to the house to walk down in the basement and pick up the pieces of the pump that came off in my hand. When he went down to look, he said, "oh man. This is much worse than I thought.' Indeed, good sir.

He left me a back up pump and a hose and told me to let it run and he would be back on Monday at 8 am (ha! i believed him!!!). It took 3 hours to pump the water out of the basement. I finished, went to my parents house, took a hot shower, went to bed.

When I came back the next morning, I checked the basement....annnndddd....it had flooded again. So, I hooked back up the pump. Great. Later, I met my girls for dinner in Shirlington, thinking, I hope it doesn't flood while I am gone. I get on the road to go home and I get PULLED OVER. I haven't done anything but I start to panic because I had a drink before dinner about 4 hours before. The cop comes up and tells me that my plate is pulling up on the system as fake. DC has registered my car wrong. I have never been so happy to see a Monday. The plumber is here, I have heat! This weekend however? Blew.

Housewife: Part 3

So. The thing about having a week long slumber party is that it can be super awesome but also, there is the possibility that one of the guests could be somewhat non-verbal and cranky. Most of the time, that would be me. Now that it's not, I understand how people feel when they have to deal with me before I have had my coffee.

I have learned a lot with having a kid in the house. First, I put on my tights after I get downstairs or I put on shoes immediately. I will tell you, one early morning footstep into a puddle of drool will wake you up faster than you could realize.

Second, I hate Handy Manny. I mean that in the nicest way possible. I do not understand how parents, without caffeine watch/listen to kids stuff. It's rough. Much respect to them for putting up with that.

Third, I am not ready for anything remotely permanent like this in my life. It's a good thing to know about yourself.

Desperate Housewife

This weekend, I played the role of a suburban housewife; a role that I did not relish but that certainly needed to be done.

The 'honey do' list that I wrote to myself included a trip to two different Costcos, thanks to my work wife, to buy a TV, a trip to Target, waiting hours for the cable guy, having my house cleaned (a true sign of a housewife of DC), and having my work wife move in for the week with her daughter. I am so excited to have guests in the house for the first time!

Kim and her daughter Lily arrived in the nasty pouring Sunday rain and Lily immediately started exploring. It's really funny to watch someone else explore your house and all the different things in it. Who knew that my dustbuster was so exciting? I'll tell you who knew. Lily.

It could be that I may update later wondering what in the world I have gotten myself into with this roommate situation but for now, it's like having a slumber party.