It Had Better Stop Raining.

Because you know what I am trying today??! Get excited.

http://www.dcdragonboat.org/

I was supposed to join my work and gym buddy for an evening at the gym. Instead, she decided to bring me to her new hobby, dragon boat. It's going to be hilarious. Luckily, I have had a tetanus booster so I am not too afraid of falling in the water.

I just wish it would stop raining and that I could wrassle up the care to get out of my PJs already.

Do you think they will let me row in slippers?

huh

So. In addition to losing my job. I just received the three following things:

1. A parking ticket. My 3rd. EVER. For yes, my stupidity, but still. Annoying.

2. A cable bill charging me tons of late fees for when their payment site went down and didn't process my automatic payment. Also, I don't have a converter. Stop trying to sneak in false sneaky ass charges.

3. Oh yes. And a threatening letter from the DC government. It seems my mortgage company has not been paying any of my taxes. I now have a massive interest charge and at least a $700 fine. What the hell are they doing with all my money? Are mortgage payments actually the new Ponzi scheme??!!

Great. Just great.

oh yeah.

Except then I got laid off. So I no longer haz progress; I haz free time. And a mortgage.

So, I will do as I normally do, and plan some vacations and day drink for a bit while I wrap my head around having to start another job search a meager 14 months after the last one. yay.

Progress. I haz it.

As some of you may or may not know, I have been having really really ridiculous problems with Washington Gas Company. Just ridiculous, overcharging, accusations of lying, bad meter readings etc etc. I finally, after 6 months of frustrating phone calls, no real answers and no progress, gave up. I filed an official complaint with the city.

Having never gone through this process before, I wasn't expecting much, if anything, from this illustrious city of lazy. But. BUT. Within one hour, I received a phone call from my 'caseworker' Lawrence (fist bump to you, good sir) and an email confirming our conversation and next steps.

6 months with the gas company. 1 hour to get the city started on it. For as much as I have zero faith in the mayor, it's nice to remember that there are people in this city who do work for its constituents, and take pride in that work. It's about damned time.

What am I Doing Today?

Updating my resume. That's what. It seems the 'workforce reduction' will start in September and the policy is 'last in, first out'.

*sigh*

It Ain't Fresh Air...But It'll Do

I finally had my open house and completely forgot to take pictures. You will just have to imagine it. I will say that thanks to my friends and neighbors, my bar is quite stocked. I think that I should have a few more parties just to fit all the wine into my bar/cabinet.

Today at work, my work gma is not here. That means that we can leave the horrible overhead florescent lights off and just have the nice natural light from the windows. I know that I am lucky to have windows in my office but I always complain that the lights are on when we don't need them. Today? No problem. And my lunch was awesome. This bodes well for the rest of the week.

guess what?

The humidity has broken and my summer roomie made me tacos for dinner. This is going to be a great summer.

wwwwwaaahhhhhhh....

Do you ever have a meal where you feel like you have been eating forever but the food never seems to diminish?

That is how I feel about having a house. I unpack a box. And another one seems to appear. I fix something, and of course, something else breaks.

I now have moths. Wool moths, not food moths. I think they came out of the storage unit. I killed 7 of them this morning. There is no good way to get rid of these things, they have banned those chemicals. I am feeling somewhat defeated but productive this weekend. I am off to caulk some windows and putty other ones. Also, my summer flattie is moving in. I hope she performs amusing antics.

Then, I need a burger and a beer. I think it's only fair.

Friday the 13th

I didn't even realize it was Friday the 13th. I should have known.

My first clue was when I threw my travel mug into my gym bag. Like I do every morning; except today was a special day. Today, I forgot to put the rubber gasket back in the top. And what I actually did, was put part of the top of my coffee and turn it upside down in my gym bag while I put on my shoes. I was really surprised that my coffee was so aromatic today. I could smell it all over the house! Squee! Great! Delicious coffee. Until I saw the puddle forming under my gym bag. *sigh*

Then, I went out for lunch. Yay! Fun! Friday! SAT. IN. TRAFFIC. Not just slow moving, but stopped dead in the middle of a bridge, not moving, not nuttin'. So i get back to the office really late to find out that my boss has been looking for me. Twice, he came by and I wasn't there. This does not look good.

So I find him. And he tells me that he just quit his job. FFFFFFF*********CCCCCCCKKKKKK. This is not good. At all. My boss is the only person who keeps me sane here. Also, he wants me to move into my work dad's team. My work dad. I can't work like that. I am going to have to find a new job. I was really looking forward to a nice weekend. Instead, I will be redoing my resume.

Happy Friday the 13th. I should have seen this coming.

White Whine.

Why is planning a vacation so difficult? I feel like maybe because the last time I went away, I was told where to go and when and wasn't really given a choice. Now, I have input. And I have to pay. And that shit is expensive.

My sister and I are going on vacation together this year. I don't think we have ever done a sister vacation. We have visited each other, gone hiking. But in each others respective towns. Now, we are going away. And we seem to have opinions about where to go and stay and...and...and.

Am I the only person who has angst about this? Although I am very pleased to have frequent flier miles because these plane tickets are killing me.

That being said, any suggestions for things to do in Rio?

Misstep Part 2

Dear Work:

Thank you so much for offering us an extra admin leave day for all of our hard work and dedication. I like how we can use it on Friday, the 22nd, or Monday, the 25th.

The Jews are not fooled by this ploy.

hmmm...

It's apparently Pretzel Month in the work cafeteria. They have so thoughtfully paired it with Passover on their advertisements. Me thinks this is a misstep.

Dying.

My colleague Emily just offered up Eleanor Roosevelt as a polar opposite to Britney Spears.

Where does she come up with this stuff? I should also mention that it came up following a discussion of people dressed as anime characters and Japanese girls dressed as baby dolls.

If you can figure out the train of thought, please let me know.

Morning Haiku: Back in the Habit

Colleagues, Hi, welcome.
Critical Thinking Skills now.
Try, You might like it.

Weather, Gloomy, Blah.
Food trucks hiding, I'm hungry.
Work Cafe. Sigh. Gross.

Does this Count?

Kim and I just picked out Easter candy for the office with Sec. Sebelius. Does that count as a celeb sighting? Should I have suggested that perhaps she should be buying carrots and such for the office instead...you know, people might talk.

SQUEEE!!

I just had my first work celebrity sighting. Now, I used to have a job where I would randomly see celebrities all the time. I don't know why. I guess it's from traveling so much that I would see random people in the airport, at the hotel (I am looking at your Chicago Bulls. Tallest. Celeb. Sighting. Ever.), in restaurants.

Here? Not so much. I think it's because my office is so far removed from the hustle and bustle of campus. I even missed Bono coming to campus. How do you miss Bono??

Today, my luck has changed. As I was walking to work, through campus, I saw, the one, the only, the venerable, and one of my all time faves, Mr. Kevin Spacey. Not 3 ft away from me. I stopped. I did a double take. Then I grinned and kept walking, knowing very well that if I were to introduce myself, it would come out very wrong as it normally does. So I kept to myself and decided that this was going to be my sign that my luck will change.

I know it's BS. But again, just go with it.

PSA

My PSA for you all today: Don't buy a house. Just don't. Or if you do, get some serious homeowners and make sure your inspection is done after a heavy rain.

Things I have discovered this week:

1. A huge leak in the guest bedroom coming from an old chimney that doesn't connect anymore.

2. A mini leak in the living room.

3. Huge cracks in the grout causing water to leak behind the tiles in both bathrooms.

4. My cold water pipes shake horribly. And it's not a question of bracing the pipes, it's a question of knocking into walls. SERIOUS walls.

This? Is not what I had imagined. Not what I signed up for when I bought this house.

I suggest you all just move back in with your parents.

Update: I just did my taxes. EVERYBODY SHOULD BUY A HOUSE. GO. Do it now.

Happy Birthday Failure

Dear Metro. Happy 35th Birthday. I have to say, from early days as a mini commuter rail to these recent years of being....a larger commuter rail that is generally unhelpful and sometimes kills people. You have truly grown. I have to wonder that if I am in as bad shape as metro is at 35, someone would put me in a home...or just out of my misery. I am going to suggest that now that Metro has passed its quarter-life crisis and has moved forward as an adult, that it consider getting. its. shit. together. Happy Birthday Metro. Grow up.

Channeling Tom Selleck

So the whole grade was on a field trip this week and one of the other teachers overheard a conversation between one of my students and one of her students. See, one of my students already appears to have a mustache. He has very dark hair, which also makes his facial hair darker. The conversation went like this...

Student 1: Dude, you totally have a mustache!

Student 2: Yep, you'll get one someday, when you're older.

My colleague said what was the most hysterical part was that he said it in such a cool way. Like he was the cool older kid giving the younger kid advice. The other boy thought he was the coolest kid ever. The girls in 2nd grade are all crazy in love with him. I guess a mustache still has that air of cool, even in second grade. I guess ladies do still fall for older boys-or at least older looking ones. Maybe we learn many of life's lessons in 2nd grade...

Fin.

Dear Work Dad, I SWEAR.
In one ear, out the other.
Shut up, listen, learn.

Poetry Week

There once was a girl named Roozer,
Coffee she wanted, before she works like a Doozer.
She went to a new shop,
To try the new slop,
And ended up spilling like a loser.

(just pretend it works).

Your Government Dollars At Work

Do you know why I had to work late yesterday? This is why:

You may now insert any GOP, Congress = 3-ring circus, elephant as GOP with a painted woman on top jokes here. I'll wait.

It was an awesome day for the elephant parade. For those who are unaware, once a year, when the circus comes to town, they have to get the animals from the train depot to the Verizon Center. And they do this by walking them through the streets like a mini parade. And it's awesome. And heartbreaking at the same time. The elephants look so sad. And they are dressed up and it's weird. I don't go to the circus. I think they are cruel. But I wanted to have a bit of hope that maybe the animals felt happy walking down the city streets, even for 30 minutes, thinking they were strutting it on a nice spring day. On another note, doesn't it look like a couple of these people are fleeing??! Like there is going to be a stampede??
In other news, Metro would like to let every know that they are going to focus on a smaller number of important issues they think are important to the public. Like escalators. I would put to them that most people would be happy to settle for the trains running without crashing into each other. Maybe that's just me.

Morning Haiku

Dear Metro, my friend
Had I known, I would have walked.
Thirty Minutes. Two Stops. Sigh.

Listening Comprehension

Yesterday, I met some more of my neighbors while leaving for work. They introduced themselves by motioning to which church they went to on the street (there are 3). It reminded me of why I bought my house where I did. In my old neighborhood, people would NEVER come up and introduce themselves. This is maybe the 10th time it's happened to me in 3 months.

In addition to telling me about their grandkids and dog, this couple told me of the fond memories they had of my house. They told me they used to buy candy at my house. I admit. That gave me pause. I had heard from other neighbors, that my house used to be 2 apartments, one of which used to sell certain things. You know. Stuff.

And so, when this older couple said they used to buy candy at my house, I was stunned. Did they just admit that to me? Weird. And then they continued, that when they would come home from elementary school, their parents would let them run over with their pocket change. And that is when I kicked myself. My house, before it was mine, before it was a drug den, was the corner store. In the 50s. And then it all made sense. Penny CANDY. OHHHHHHH. Yeah. That I get. And I fail.

Not funny. Still in the blog.

Do you know what is not funny? Having your basement flood twice in one weekend when it's not even raining. To top off an already looonnnnngggg week, I returned home Friday night and realized that while my heat was on, the radiators weren't hot. Curious. I walked into the basement to check the furnace to make sure the pilot light was not out. It was out. Because it was under a foot and a half of water. I felt so defeated.

No heat. No hot water. Great. I called the man who sold me my house (because seriously, the sump pump should last more than 3 months). He was out of town and told me to get a bucket and go buy another sump pump at home depot. So there I was, Saturday morning, unshowered, in my PJs, at the home depot just staring at the sump pumps. I picked one. The plumber came by on Saturday and said 'I am sure the floater is just blocked'. I had to resist the urge to cut and explained that I checked that before and I had to cut off the power to the house to walk down in the basement and pick up the pieces of the pump that came off in my hand. When he went down to look, he said, "oh man. This is much worse than I thought.' Indeed, good sir.

He left me a back up pump and a hose and told me to let it run and he would be back on Monday at 8 am (ha! i believed him!!!). It took 3 hours to pump the water out of the basement. I finished, went to my parents house, took a hot shower, went to bed.

When I came back the next morning, I checked the basement....annnndddd....it had flooded again. So, I hooked back up the pump. Great. Later, I met my girls for dinner in Shirlington, thinking, I hope it doesn't flood while I am gone. I get on the road to go home and I get PULLED OVER. I haven't done anything but I start to panic because I had a drink before dinner about 4 hours before. The cop comes up and tells me that my plate is pulling up on the system as fake. DC has registered my car wrong. I have never been so happy to see a Monday. The plumber is here, I have heat! This weekend however? Blew.

Housewife: Part 3

So. The thing about having a week long slumber party is that it can be super awesome but also, there is the possibility that one of the guests could be somewhat non-verbal and cranky. Most of the time, that would be me. Now that it's not, I understand how people feel when they have to deal with me before I have had my coffee.

I have learned a lot with having a kid in the house. First, I put on my tights after I get downstairs or I put on shoes immediately. I will tell you, one early morning footstep into a puddle of drool will wake you up faster than you could realize.

Second, I hate Handy Manny. I mean that in the nicest way possible. I do not understand how parents, without caffeine watch/listen to kids stuff. It's rough. Much respect to them for putting up with that.

Third, I am not ready for anything remotely permanent like this in my life. It's a good thing to know about yourself.

Desperate Housewife

This weekend, I played the role of a suburban housewife; a role that I did not relish but that certainly needed to be done.

The 'honey do' list that I wrote to myself included a trip to two different Costcos, thanks to my work wife, to buy a TV, a trip to Target, waiting hours for the cable guy, having my house cleaned (a true sign of a housewife of DC), and having my work wife move in for the week with her daughter. I am so excited to have guests in the house for the first time!

Kim and her daughter Lily arrived in the nasty pouring Sunday rain and Lily immediately started exploring. It's really funny to watch someone else explore your house and all the different things in it. Who knew that my dustbuster was so exciting? I'll tell you who knew. Lily.

It could be that I may update later wondering what in the world I have gotten myself into with this roommate situation but for now, it's like having a slumber party.

Housewifery for the Win!

Things I accomplished this weekend:

1. Putting up a curtain rod.

That's it. And I couldn't even do it by myself. There are very few times that I am annoyed about being single but when it comes these house activities, I basically want to get pints of ben and jerry's, 7 cats, and just call it day.

The saga of the curtain rod started when my cordless drill died. Fine. I borrowed one from a co-worker. Then, I get to measuring and marking and it occurs to me that I have to straddle the top of the ladder and balance myself just to mark where the brackets will go. This does not bode well. I start drilling. Almost immediately, I hit masonry. Fantastic. I don't have them there fancy masonry drill bits and the hardware store is closed. I happen to see a crew of guys replacing the steps of the church across the street. So I put on my stupidest 'I am a girl and don't know what to do' voice and stroll over. After I explain the situation, this guy gives me their hardcore drill to use and says give it a go. I do. And nearly break my neck falling off the ladder trying to hold this thing with 2 hands while it basically shakes me like a british nanny. I give up. The guys across the street do too. So on Saturday, they came over and drilled the holes for me.

Cause I'm a girl.
Also, the curtains are 'meh'. But we won't talk about that.

From The Mouths of Babes...

We recently celebrated the 100th day of school in my classroom. On the 100th day we do it up. 100th day trail mix, 100th day activities, etc., etc. I also gave them the writing prompt, When I am 100 years old life will be very different! This is what life will be like... I got so pretty awesome answers.

Answer #1:

"I'm going to get a back crack and walk slow. Have money, lots of money I say. Also have a sweet car. Also have a young girl friend and be rude. I think about skipping college. Also have a quiet life. My life is going to be fun because I'm going to have a mansion and live by myself and have a hot tub. Also the world is going to change because there is going to be lots of old people around like old me."

The best part is that when I gave the writing prompt "Do you ever want to get married? Why or Why not?" This same kid wrote that he never wants to get married because if he doesn't then he could probably do other fun stuff like go to Hawaii and have lots of love. This kid is going to be a player when he grows up. You can already see all the signs...

Answer #2

"I would have a wand attachment to my walking stick. Harry Potters worst enemy, Voldemort, would be feared throughout the land. There would be boggarts and hippagriff. We would fly on hippagriff for transportation. The cars are able to fly, if you want a car. I would be a anamagis, that means I can turn into an animal. I would be a 4 feet black dog. I would already be a professor at Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry. I would be defense against the dark arts teacher for 20 years. When I was 70 years younger I was a famous quiditch player- my broom would be a firebolt. "

This kids answer to the marriage question said that he never wanted to get married and that he wanted to play video games by himself all day long. This kid is going to live in his parent's basement when he grows up if he isn't careful.

There were many more humorous answers, but I truly felt like these two examples gave a glimpse into what their futures may hold...

What I Learned Today

Here is what I learned this morning:

1. There is no amount of coffee that can counteract or muffle a loud coworker.
2. If the government shuts down, I still have to come to work. And I don't get paid. I have no idea how that is even legal. I am pretty sure that is a violation of some labor law.
3. Girl Scout cookies have arrived. This is the hardest time of the year.
4. If the government shuts down, the people who have shut it down will still get paid.
5. It's Thursday. I thought it was Wednesday. It's like finding 10 bucks in your pocket.

1 Step Forward, 2 Steps Back...No Paula.

You know what has changed my life?

Fat-free half and half. It's like I get to drink super indulgent lattes that are not so bad for me.

This weekend FLEW with a trip to the zoo and lots of eating as well as a visit by Stacey who is starting to get her cute baby bump.

However, Amber gave me a cold. I am glaring at her through this post...

Recommitting. Should be committed?

Today I shared this blog with a woman in the office; it's scary. We are friends, and I hope we will still be after she reads it. It's almost as if I have divulged all my crazy before getting the engagement ring, you know?? I hope it doesn't scare her off.

That being said, I am going to commit to posting more often, not that my life is so interesting or funny but I forget sometimes that even writing things down helps think through them or at least gives you the giggles when you look back on them.

So. What has happened recently. Some neighborhood hooligans tried to steal my trash can. I mean, really? You can have it if you want. They are free. The city will give you a brand new one if you ask.

I also think I scared off my new neighbors when I told them that I left a bar because there were too many white people there. They just stared at me. But really. That's not what I meant. I meant there were only white people there and they were all dressed the same and I felt like I was in a post-apocalyptic movie. Or maybe just in Clarendon. But I don't like places that self-segregate that way. It makes me uncomfortable. I just wish I had said that out loud to my neighbors. Now they are just confused.

To catch up all 2 of you who read this blog:
Job = still boring but still employed!
House = still messy but still standing!
Family = still overseas but still standing!

I have also reaffirmed my love for Top Gear. That's the most important update of all.

Let's Recap

Let's take a quick look at January, shall we?


Yep, that's a view finder. Like the one you probably had when you were about 7. They were awesome back then. Still awesome in a retro kind of way. This view finder however is linked to something not so awesome. B and I went to NY to visit Meghan. That part was awesome. We wandered around Times Square in the freezing cold, ate cupcakes, had awesome hot chocolate, had soup dumplings (how do they get the soup inside the dumplings?!) awesome brunch and a Golden Globes viewing party. We also went to see The Man With F.E.E.E.T. When you are in NY you should go see something NYish right? So, Meghan finds a write up on this show (should I call it a show? Maye more of a sketch "comedy"). It says it is written by one of the writers of the Colbert report and that it involves a view finder. Great. It will be artsy and funny and totally NY. Let's talk about what it really was- awkward, strange and not that funny. Basically it was sort of Austin Powers like. Everyone in the audience had a view finder and watched the story while someone narrated it. There was a chime sound like you hear in kids books on tape when we were supposed to change the picture. There were 3 slide sets and in between each was a "comedy" skit. Too bad they were unfunny. The only saving grace were the three skits that were a trombone quartet. Who were actually good, and funny. The worst part was that after the show (which maybe lasted for 45 minutes) people were talking to the cast about how great it was and funny it was. I refuse to believe that 3 college educated women all didn't get it. I really think those people didn't get it either and felt like it was supposed to have some deeper meaning or something and faked it so they seemed smart. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


We got home from NY and had an ice storm. Which would have been awesome if it had equaled a snow day. It didn't. It got us a 2 hour delay. On a teacher work day. fail. Pretty in this picture, not pretty to drive in.


Then finally we got our big snow. The bad part? I have the flu. The other bad part? The power was out in the house for almost 2 straight days. Giant fail. So, needless to say, these pictures were taken from my couch, looking out the window. Regardless, you get the idea. All in all, this storm was a bit of a nightmare, but bonus- I didn't have to use up sick days because school was canceled :)


Ice and snow is quite the combo. This reminds me of a strange snow cone. Stare for a second, you'll see it too.


Doesn't this poor tree look sad. Like it is saying, "Please stop snowing on me."

Then there is this guy. I can't even figure out how this got made. It looks like a snow flake fell on the branch and then started collecting friends until this happened. I had to get out the telephoto lens to be sure it wasn't a piece of paper that got caught on the tree. Kinda cool.

So, there you have it. January in a nut shell.

A Little More

We've had a tiny bit of snow. Tiny. Too tiny. Remember this from last year?

Our beautiful snow storm. People called it "Snowmageddon." I called it wonderful. I love this stuff. There's none of that around here this year. We have had two little tiny snows. This morning it snowed. I slept through the whole thing. Right through it. Apparently, it was beautiful. I did wake up and snap a few quick shots of it.







It's a good thing I did, because it has already melted away.