Damn You BST!

I wish that I had a funny story to share today. Instead, let us talk about the fact that we just changed to summer time here. So rather than wake up at 5:30 to get to work for a 7:00 meeting. I was up at 4:30, for all intents and purposes. I know that those who are used to long commutes and teaching and such are used to this. I am not, I get up as late as possible, I walk to work, I eat breakfast there; all in the name of sleep and comfort. I just can't imagine much worse that 4:30 wake up and not getting to bed until 12 or so. Its just inhumane.

That being said, we are having dinner at one of my fav little places in London tonight; I just wish it were warm enough to eat outside on their little cobblestone terrace.

Stupid Old Blighty.

Dodge The Bullet

So I get on the metro tonight and take out my book to read- so far, so normal. Then I glace up and see less than a foot away from me, a guy who looks kind of like a guy I sort of dated in college. Oh but wait, it was a guy that I kind of sort of dated in college. What to do, what to do? I could walk over and say hello and run the risk of opening a door that I have no desire to open, or I could just hide behind my book and pretend that I am unaware. Thank goodness for my book.



Damn you DC Metro for creating these awkward situations.

Drama Queen

I haven't been feeling that great this week. So much, that at one point this week, I told my flatmate that if I didn't wake up, she should tell the coroner that my stomach really hurt, like weird hurt.

You may laugh now. I was even laughing when I said it.

I wonder if everyone has those random moments when they're sick when they freak out and wonder if "this is it". It am sure that our friend Stacey does. Back me up, girl.

I am also on the count down for my trip home for Passover (and Easter...cause, nothing better than going out on the ATVs with some bourbon and pierogies!). I am trying to figure out what I can pack up and leave home at my parents storage unit and what I need to keep with me.

I definitely need to keep all my shoes. Right? (please say yes.)

Da Plane! Da Plane!

Its been a weird week in my household. My sister was here so I spent half my time at work and the other half running around town with her.

Also, someone I worked with for a long time died suddenly last week. It was so strange. I saw him that morning in the office, we were catching up since he works in the DC office and chatting and he was gone that night. So young, with young kids too. It was really horrible and everyone is just shocked and sad.

I flew to Sweden on Sunday on SAS, which is a hilarious airline, if you ever have the chance. They have cameras outside the plane so you can watch yourself take off and land. IT WAS AWESOME. Its been really clear in London so we watched ourselves like the Discovery Channel until we were at like 10,000 feet. I felt like a giant. The downside to SAS is that you pay for everything, even water, on the flight. I mean, really??! Really. Water. Also, if you happen to have curly brown hair as I do, you are the most exotic person on the plane. People looked at me. And not because I had a booger.

I am in Lund for a few days, one of the oldest cities in Sweden and I think its not only in architecture but also in spirit. There is NOTHING to do here at night. Luckily, there is beer. Also, I am pretty sure that a homeless man asked me out for coffee. Or he asked me to buy him a coffee, my Swedish is not so good.

I will pretend he asked me out. Cause its nice to feel pretty sometime.

Sleep Away Camp!!!

I feel like I am at sleep-away camp today. First, because I have been sharing a bed with my sister which brings back strange family holiday memories. But also we have been having a lot of giggles.

I also got a care package from Amber today. The great part about the care package is that its an awesome surprise and you never know what's coming. And Amber sends them for no reason. Because she is kick ass and is much better at than I am at the whole being generous and doing things "just because". Cause she's nice like that.

The bad part about the care package is that if you open it at work, you have to share. Homegirls are not getting anywhere NEAR my thin mints. I will defend them with my pointy high heels. I can kick shins with the best of them. I will share my M&Ms. And that is all bitches.

Bye-Bye Finn

Well imagine my surprise when I came home from work today to greet Finn and instead of finding my fish swimming around like a dog happy to see its master, I find my fish dead. Oh and I am not talking floating upside down dead, but laying next to his bowl on my counter dead. I screamed and ran to his side hoping that maybe he had just flopped out of his bowl and I could put him back in, but he was dried up and dead. (in fact he was kind of stuck to the counter-eww). Now this leaves one to wonder, did Finn commit suicide or did he just jump a little too high? Did my lack of being home to provide him with the proper care and support needed to fulfill his aquatic potential cause him to slip into a state of depression so intense that he decided to end it all? Or, did I accidentally kill him when I over filled his bowl making it impossible for him to determine how far up he could jump with out falling out of the bowl? Sadly, we will never know. All I do know is that Finn is forever gone and I'm a little sad about it. Time to break out the RIP cake.

Huzzah!

Lani is here! Lani is here! and its sunny.

That is all.

My Brain is Sad

Recently, I haven't felt like doing anything. At all. I go to work, go to the gym, go home. And while doing all of this monotonous crap, it has occurred to me that I think I am getting dumber every day. I have gone about a month without having to really use my brain for anything. I just had a meeting with the 2 girls who work for me and they asked me to walk them through the last project I did. It was fine. Except they were shocked. AND I QUOTE, "You did all that?? Really? Wow. I guess that's why you get so bored now."

And it is sad.
A) because the people I work with can tell how bored and stupid I feel which is so not professional.
and
B) because oh my god. I am that bored. I can feel myself getting dumber every day.

I can't believe that I am going to admit this but here is what I have read recently:

The Twilight Series (I KNOW. TRUST ME. i know.)
Some crime novels-none really worth mentioning
Harry Potter

So, now I need someone to inspire me. Tell me what I want to do with my life so that I can go back to damn school already. Ideas? Inspiration? Tequila? Bueller? Bueller?

Crazy Is as Crazy Does

I was today's equivalent of the man in linen pants on the metro. It is supposed to be 70 degrees out today. I hear that, I think flip flops. So I am in a skirt and flip flops today. The metro was a modge podge of clothing this morning- I always love when the weather first starts to get warm and no one has a clue what to wear. There were people in parkas with hats and gloves, people who thought they would take a walk on the wild side- not wearing coats, and me. The only person in flip flops. Now, I am normally the girl in crazy tights, so I am used to a strange look here and there, but today there were a lot of stares and smirks and one guy even chuckled.

So, today I am the crazy person that no one believes wore flip flops in the "cold" (please it was in the high 40s).

You all will be wishing you were me when it is 70 at quittin' time.

It's a What?

So I had to take a group of the girls to the bathroom during our museum visit today (because apparently 5 year old girls have to pee every 5 minutes). Anyhoo, I'm standing at the sinks waiting for them all to finish (and also making sure they actually wash their hands) and one of the girls notices the tampon dispenser and turns to me and asks what it is. Now, how does one deal with this? a. say it's a tampon dispenser and then deal with follow up questions. nope, this is certainly not part of my job description. b. just ignore the question and deal with it being asked 900 more times. nope, not enough patience for that. Well I just kind of pretend not to have heard her and tell the other girls to hurry and wash their hands. So then they all start asking each other what it is and then ask me again. So, I finally answer, "it's for grown up girls." Thinking that should do it. Well then one little girl walks over to the rest (now all standing at the dispenser with very confused looks) and says, "It's special dry cleaning soap." I'm sorry, what? She told them it was special soap for dry cleaning. They all respond, "Oh, okay" and turn to leave.

Why didn't I think of that?

This Room is Bumpin'

So my apartment building is across the street from a church- a tiny little ye old Episcopalian church. So, I get into bed last night at 1:15 and about 5 minutes later I hear this loud ruckus outside. So I peek through the blinds and there are like 60 people out on the front lawn on this church hanging around (and making a terrible noise). Now, the church sometimes has things going on on Sat. nights (I honestly thought that it was AA meetings) but usually what ever it is is over earlier in the evening. I'm thinking that the meeting or whatever is getting out and I will Have to listen to this for another 5 minutes while people say their goodbyes. Oh no, then the techno music starts. I look out again and they have opened the doors and are BLASTING techno at a ridiculous level from inside the church. Now, I'm pissed. It's freaking 1:30 in the morning people some of us have to get up in the morning and oh I don't know, go to church. So I start pondering what time is appropriate for me to call the cops and ask them to go to the church and tell them to turn of the techno when I realize I have ear plugs. So, I give those a go. No joke, they turn the music up louder. My windows are shaking at this point. Now clearly this situation is bizarre- um hello there is techno music bumpin' from the church across the street at 2 a.m. What universe have I wondered into? (best comment about this story from Becca was "It wasn't even a baptist church? That would have made a little more sense.") Just as I am getting up to call the cops I look out the window and see someone else already has (thank you whoever you are) and finally at 2:00 the music stops- then a bunch of them start up their equally as loud motorcycles and peace the heck out of my neighborhood. Telling this story made me feel OLD. 5 or 6 years ago I would have been just getting home at 2 am and would not have been bothered in the least, now I want to go outside and start yelling at all those damn kids for keeping me up. Next step, 10 cats and one of those shirts with the fake bikini bodies on it that old ladies wear over their swimsuits.

Oh a happier note it was in the 70s here today. I finally got to break out the flip flops and short sleeves. (sadly it is supposed to get cold again at the end of the week) My roommate and I took a walk to Whole Foods so I could get one of my all time favorite lunches- the salad bar. This basically consists of me throwing a little bit of everything at the salad bar into a container all together, it's heaven. Then we walked around the store and I proceeded to pick up lots of random over priced organic foods. Now that's what I'm talkin' about, a nice end to the week from hell.

Friends Don't Let Friends Post about Other Friends

Amber just cut our phone call short cause she had to pee. Also, she was making cookies in my ear which angered the stomach gods.

We were talking about whether or not we should post about our friends on this blog. Most of them aren't aware that we have a blog (and would tease us MERCILESSLY, if they knew). But somehow, it seems a bit dangerous to start retelling stories even with code names.

Instead, we took our own trip down memory lane, to New Years, just after our friends' wedding, when we had to scour our other friends kitchen while he was at work because it was so disgusting, we couldn't bear to eat/drink/cook/walkwithoutshoes/breathe in there without a full panel of inoculations. And as we are wont to do, the conversation quickly turned to the gutter. However, I, under penalty of death, am not allowed to divulge the contents of this conversation. Suffice it to say, Amber is a dirty bitch.

London Town...

I am not sure how many people know it, but the BBC is really terrible at news and weather. When there is an attack, bombing, political update etc., the BBC is reporting on the latest gossip from East Enders or Neighbours.

When I woke up this morning, the sky was blue, clear, as it had been yesterday. Sunday morning ritual of making coffee and popping back into bed to read the newspaper online, I pulled up the BBC and CNN websites to see what was happening in the world.

On the BBC, heavy showers in London (huh??!), on CNN, the killings in Northern Ireland. Really? Get it together BBC. We fund your asses through ridiculous TV taxes. So get on it. Start reporting the damn news already.

Later, flattie and I are going out for brunch at a place called the Breakfast Club. I hope Judd Nelson is there. If not, I will settle for Anthony Michael Hall.

Um, Are You Calling Me Fat?! (and other humorous stories this week)

So this week sucked. Mid-terms at school, developmental reports due at work and getting sick right in time for the weekend. Only me I tell you. Plus giving up swearing for lent- not going so well... Anyway, on to the funny moments.

1. Yesterday I am trying to get lunch ready for the kids and one of the kids helping to set the table comes to the kitchen to tell me I had forgotten to give them plates. So I turn to him and say, oh gosh I am so out of it today, you might have to keep reminding me what I should be doing and what's going on (in a joking way) and he turns to me and says in a whisper, Ms. Bruce, your making lunch right now- totally dead pan. You have to love a five year old that has such sarcastic, dry humor.

2. We have pretty great parents at the school who will often bring us "teacher treats" (cookies, etc.). A dad comes in this a.m. and says I brought some donuts in for the teachers that they don't really need. Um, WTF? Did he just call us all fat? I couldn't tell if he was saying it in a joking way, or if he was being an ass. Either way, NOT COOL. Just remember, I am the one who writes your kid's report card.

3. I closed myself in a door today. I went to bed really late last night because I was trying to get my developmentals done and I was exhausted all day. I swung the door open, but apparently not far enough so when I tried to walk through it I got stuck in the middle of the door and the door frame- and of course a coworker was there to witness (hummm, maybe the above comment makes more sense)

4. I just sat down with some nice curry and a beer for dinner. I was planning on going up to the gym for a run in an hour. It just now occurred to me that having a drink and then trying to run on the treadmill sounds like a disaster waiting to happen...

This is getting old.

I feel like all I have been doing this week is posting about work. So..ummm...sorry? And tough shit, here's another one.

After all the blahblahblah about this week's embarrassing client meeting, I sent out, what I thought, was an email out explaining to all what went wrong and how it needs to be fixed. Just a broken process email.

Oh how I was wrong. It stirred. up. some. shit. Now, I have been called into meetings. We are having debriefs (debrieves?) and follow ups and I am pretty sure that there will not be cake. So I think that I have an excuse not to go, right??! All meetings should have cake.

Feminist? Anti-Feminist? Just cranky?

So, a few days ago at the gym, I hurt mah back. Like an old lady.

It didn't really think about it that much until I went to that early meeting where no one turned up. The only other person there was a boy carrying a laptop. So, I picked up 4 massively heavy boxes and he just looked at me and said, 'Wow, those must be really heavy.' It bugged the SHIT out of me. I wasn't sure whether I should ask for help and admit that I hurt. A lot. Or if I should just let it go because I am woman, hear me bitch!

In the end, I suffered silently but with daggers in my eyes and retribution in my heart. I think that's a healthy way to handle it.

Hell Hath No Furry...

Like a jealous 5 year old? So, this all started last week- one of the little girls in my class is deeply in love with one of the little boys in my class. Sadly, homeboy is a player. One of the museum exhibits we were going to go see was unknowingly closed so, we took the kids outside to have a dance party (we were learning about different types of music). So, there the kids are dancing to the Beatles and this little girl and boy are cutting a rug. Well, he decides to leave her to dance with another little girl in the class. As we are trying to line the kids up she is sitting there in tears. When I asked what was wrong she said, "He didn't dance with me. He was dancing with her." I got her into line and we went to the playground. As we are walking he is singing a love song to little girl #2 while girl #1 is looking pissed. So he tells girl #2 that that when we get to the playground he will sing to her more and then turns to girl #1 and winks at her and says "you too." I about died laughing. On the playground he ignored girl #1 (even though she stood over him). Finally she bursts into tears and when I called her over to talk I asked her if he broke her heart and she said yes. It was so sad in such a cute little kid way. Well to continue the story today in reading I assigned him to work with a different little girl and girl #1 stared her down- I mean slit eyes and scowl type stare.
Really? At 5? I mean they have all their lives to let love make them miserable, but at 5? I don't remember having these types of feelings at five. Kids are so advanced these days.

Bitter, Party of 2?

I couldn't sleep last night, which really wouldn't be that big of a problem if I didn't have to haul myself out of bed at 5 this morning to go to the office for a meeting. Except only 1 of my staff showed up. ONE. Everyone else was an hour late, and it was a shit show. We looked totally incompetent in front of our clients and lo, there was a great sadness in the land with gnashing of teeth and rending of garments. Quickly followed by coffee.

I also decided that this means I get to eat 2 waffles for breakfast. And I'm not talking that lazy Eggo shit either. I am talking the serious belgian waffle, fat and sugar, come to mama, waffles.

Somehow, I hope it makes it all better.

Bitter, Party of One

This is what is looked like when I looked out the window at 7 a.m. All this beautiful snow and I didn't get a freaking snow day. Of course every other school in the area did, but not my school. So I went to work. 4 kids showed up. I babysat all day because you can't teach your lessons to 4 kids- you would just have to do it all over again to the other 14 when the snow melts.

Do I find this funny? No. As a teacher I think it is my divine right to have snow days. However, I bet that all of you who have watched me have snow days in the past and have had to work are thinking this is freaking hilarious.

Bitter, party of one at your service.

Case of the Mondays....

As is my usual Monday activity, I dumped coffee on myself. Normally, I bring an extra outfit to the office on Mondays knowing that without fail, coffee will end up on my lap, down my shirt, in my eyes, computer etc.

Except today. I have 2 sets of gym clothes and a damp dress that smells like stale coffee. Aaaannnddd a cocktail hour to go to tonight.

Sweeeeeeet.

Squeee!

Last night, I went to see Twilight with my flatmate. We had both just read the book and decided we needed another mind-numbing activity for the weekend.

The best part about the movie (aside from being at the cheap theater...yes, I am my father's daughter), were the teenage girls in the movie**. There was audible swooning. And it made us nostalgic and admittedly a bit irritated, for our younger selves.

We were swapping stories of being squealing teenagers...it turns out, Finnish people are generally not squealing as a rule and I ended up just regaling my flatmate with stories of my horrifyingly flaky youth.

I am still waiting for her embarrassing stories. Quid pro quo Clarice.



**slightly less awesome were the strange older men there. And the people who dressed as if they were vampires. I mean really?? Really.